Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
