yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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