If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
