i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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