wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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