Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
