I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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