the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
