i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
God, I missed his penis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
