Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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