you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
