she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize