I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
