Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
