i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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