two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I DEMAND FORESKIN
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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