Non-Jews are for practice
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
