he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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