At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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