Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
