he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How does one acquire holy water?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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