i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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