I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
