dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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