Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
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i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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