Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
