so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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