it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
