Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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