Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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