We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
