this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
