all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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