i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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