i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
