hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
