she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
