Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
