the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
