That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
