he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
