So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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