Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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