No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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