He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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