I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
