Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
