Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's rum buckets o'clock
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
