i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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