The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
