I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
