if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
