i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
