your room smells of hookers.
And success
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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