Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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