pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
