it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
