I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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