just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
