I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
