he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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