Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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