Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
