i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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