how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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