that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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