Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I am available for nakedness
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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