you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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