i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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